Jan. 31st, it was a Wednesday, I’m hangin’ with the Missouri bestie. She teaches a piano lesson and I planned to spend 30 minutes chillin’ while the kids play. Thirty whole minutes to myself and I lay my head on a pillow to soak up every second. The phone rudely interrupts my plans. I had just been in for a check up with my dr. because despite everything, I still felt A W F U L. I told him a list of symptoms longer than the Christmas list of my wildest dreams. I wasn’t expecting the dr. to find anything. I was doing elimination diets and figured food issues were causing my symptoms. My thyroid was now supposedly under control, so what else could it be?
“Your blood sugars are 436. That is consistent with type 2 Diabetes.” #resttimeover
“I’m sorry, what now?” I believe were my exact words.
I could have dropped the phone {cue dramatic music} and gasped and turned this into any scene of any dramatic movie you wanted. You know the one where the leading character received horrid and unexpected news and stood mouth gaping open while they went to commercial break. I didn’t hear much else of what she had to say, except that I had another apt at 7:30 the next morning.
It’s no secret if you’ve read any of my blogs that I have a long history of issues with food, yo yo dieting, eating disorders and the like. I’ve made some fabulous mental progress in the recent years, but after an incredibly stressful 2013, my weight gain during 2014 has been a monster that I can not seem to kill. It has been soul sucking on every single level and then some more. This was a big blow to me. Huge.
I had ZERO knowledge of anything about Diabetes except it seemed that every single contestant on the Biggest Looser gets it and it’s really bad. I immediately sunk & went numb. How can I care/work so hard on my health, but be here? No criticism to anyone on the Biggest Loser, but for real… I was so lost. I picture every season opener I’ve ever seen, where these poor hurting people were experiencing their rock bottom. They were morbidly obese and now they had diabetes also? Now I was one of them? I would hear their stories of the astronomical amounts of food they consumed and I just don’t do that. No one in my family is diabetic….and holy crap, 436 for blood sugars is pretty high as it turns out. What is going on? I literally wondered if I get up and eat in my sleep or something.
I’ve been spending quite a bit of time researching and going to dr. apts, both Functional and Endocrinology. I have devoured 3 books from Dr. Fung, taken an intensive course on the autoimmune protocol, stuck my fingers multiple times a day for months, and continued to pray and ask God to guide me. I understand what Diabetes is and what you do to fix it. I understand that some drs. think it’s a chronic progressive disease and some drs. think it’s a reversible condition.
Where am I now? I am on medication. I am working to get off of medication. I am working a plan to get healthy. I am down 40lbs from my highest weight and well on my way to a healthy weight. I have learned a ton. My blood sugars are well within normal range and have been for months. I have hope and a list of random thoughts.
First, not all the “experts” are right. I am not saying that they are trying to lead you astray, nor am I trying to belittle them with my quotes. Prior to Jan, I was attacking my health from multiple angles. Boy, was I given some advice that would have been catastrophic, had I had followed it. C A T A S T R O P H I C. You’ve got to be present in your healing journey. It’s imperative. You know you better than anyone else. Do not let people dismiss you or belittle you or lead you to believe it’s all in your head. Just don’t. OK?
Second, I have hit many dead ends. It’s true what they say about getting back up again. If I hadn’t, I’d still be laying in my bestie’s house while the world’s longest commercial break was going on, in that dramatic movie I so brazenly cast myself in.
Third, food sensitivities/allergies, stress, carb consumption (yes, even healthy carbs) all play a big role in blood sugars and insulin resistance. At diagnosis, my specialist looked me in the eye and said, “you will never lose weight like this”. We’ve got to fix this. Validating. Because I knew that to be true. I was doing everything I knew to be right and NOTHING was happening in the weight loss department. Boy did that mess with my head. I wasn’t eating 6 breakfast sandwiches, 3 large pizzas, gallons of ice cream and so on and so forth every day. I don’t even like ice cream. Why wasn’t the scale moving? I’ve had people tell me I was eating like that. Boy does THAT mess with your head. I’ve also had experts tell me to increase my carbs and that would make me lose weight. I am glad I didn’t listen.
Fourth, when your blood sugars are 436, you feel like walking death, in case you’re wondering. My blood sugars are running between 100-120 now and I can’t tell you how much better I am feeling. I still have a lot of work to do to heal from this mess, but I have actual answers. I am seeing progress. I have great drs. and I am getting the help I need. I literally can not remember a time where I woke up and thought, “I feel good”. I used to take my health for granted. I know better now.
Fifth, I know that 7.5 months late for a blog post title, sounds like a pregnancy announcement, not a “hey, I have Diabetes announcement.” Witty isn’t great if you have to explain it. I realize this. But it’s taken me 7.5 months to come to terms with this situation, so I’m going with it. I mean I wrote a big blog post about my autoimmune disease. I tied it up with a nice pretty bow. I had no idea about this impending plot twist. This blog post is a blurt it out, first pass, it is what it is post.
Sixth, I have no idea what the future holds. I’m holding it much looser than I was seven years ago when all of this started.
Maybe, just maybe, that is the point.
to be continued…